Thursday, July 29, 2004
my title cant be seen from the post itself. and i am too lazy to figure how to. so. i dont think you even bother. so. whatever. im suprise with how often i am updating this sick-sick-sickening blog, its turning 'daily'. bad or good? good fer u, bad fer me. you do realise that after reading this, you'll gain nothing? nothing at all. 'cept maybe for the fact that i've prolly got no life. but its raining out there; therefore im slapped with enthusiast. i am sick. suffering from a plight of sickening influenza which was passed on by... whoever. everyone seems to have it. its like a 360degree plague. but i hate flu, they make my nose big and red. not just that, super dry too. so when i am sick, i look like rudolph. its very insightful. (insightful? what the heck?) and my table would be filled with wet very wet tissue covered in wet very wet mucus. i have used up four people's full-pack tissue papers, and i am sorry. the music codes are all being a bitch. i need to find another bandwidth to upload my songs, because the previous one, died on me. as usual.
posted @ 8:36 PM
debilitated carnality
.... especially when i have an english test tomorrow(okay no, technically today) with rumours that it will kill you with no mercy and serve its purpose to debilitate anyone who tries to pass it, just makes everything sickening. but its english, who studies? i mean, like seriously. its a language; unless you want to memorise the dictionary. i should be sleeping rather. my attention span in class is decelerating at an incredible speed. i am falling asleep every 30 seconds and thus, slapping myself awake. wishing i have a toothpick to help withstand the pressure of my closed eyelids. sitting in a position that attracts all the teacher's sharp intuitions, really kills me. but i still wonder why others ask me, "arent you sick of school? waking up every morning and all?" its like; hell-o a rhetorical question. of course i am (dammit) supposedly to input wisdom and knowledge into this head of mind, isnt working anymore.
reality check people. happy thursday.
posted @ 12:56 AM
school. a drag.
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
no, seriously. i just ate the fruit. i love the colours. but this layout is still incomplete as i got fucken lazy after 10 minutes. so i'll just leave it for the time being, till i gather enough energy and adrenalin to complete. but whatever. in the mean time, bear with this unsightful one.
oh god.
posted @ 5:25 PM
passion froot.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
these men, they need help. like ages ago.
no, seriously.
but actually, all the germans and russians in the late 1930s have this tendency of keeping moustaches and beards. which make them look older than they already are. but i still remember Lenin as the cheeky-faced one.
and what about Sun-Yat Sen, the doctor-cum-revolutionist? he also has this weird moustache with a space in between. but i thought he had nice eyebrows.
trying to spice up my history.
but i still wonder what the Paris Peace Conference was like? with the 'big four' controlling everything and playing gods. bah. back to study (more like flipping the pages and looking at pictures)
but thank god i am studying World War 1 and not some history of singapore bullshit. okay bye.
posted @ 4:18 PM
Hail Hitler
Monday, July 26, 2004
hurt me and bruised my confidence.
and now im tired, (im forever tired) but i really truly seriously am. forcing direfully my dead state of mind to suck in any amount of physics. its full size capacity is obviously contracting. and my ca marks would be proof to my substantial lack of hardwork. im going down the drain. my marks are unbearable. my world's tumbling down like a concrete rubble and i exaggerate alot. from math to chemistry, theyre all flukes. i want to live in my own selfish fucking self-contradicting world. feeling super-super toiled down every monday of sea sports and coming home with a heavyload of tests and an unwelcomed home, brings me down. lasting for an entire week. when all my weekends were spend on doing something im not suppose to be heavily concentrating on but rather still doing it and running errands for everyone. not having the ability to turn people down is driving me up the wall. and i am sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick of being a pretentious optimist who is happy all day long. whatever these droplets means, it could be symptoms of depression. im not assuming, i dont want to. i might be a little off but its only because im super fagged out. and i need sleep. MAKE ME SLEEP. PLEASE. I'D DO ANYTHING JUST TO SLEEP. and the incapability of not having a listening ear towards my grievances, definitely adds to the pile. can someone just hear me out for 30 seconds? i would kill for that kind of attention.
sleep.
sleep.
i want to sleep.
i cant take in anymore of physics.
i am brainded.
fused.
dead.
dea
de
d
.
posted @ 9:57 PM
a simple question
Sunday, July 25, 2004
no its not beachy at all. my first time there. (so kental eh.) the rumours were true, it really is nice. a haven? nt exactly. it can be a pain in the ass.
ive nothing much to say also.
'cept.
im having menstrual cramp! nyeurgh.
posted @ 12:09 AM
beachy road.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
loads happened this week. since im lazy to elaborate, enjoy the pictures.
Singapore Youth Festival Arts
Friday 23rd
Movie night
enjoy.
posted @ 12:02 PM
pic o' me
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
so the girls came over to do our ipw. took more than an hour to settle down and stop ourselves from laughing at every single stupidity (especially the 'nenek') but it was productive. it wouldve been better if not for the return of the super erratic bitch storming the whole household down, and causing everyone to jump off their seats. it was a terrible sight. but thank god the tension only lasted for a few seconds and everyone got back to minding their own business.
our IPW insights.
for starters, IPW stands for Interactive Project Work. (i think? is it interactive? who cares?) we're suppose to combine creativity and entrepreneurship. so since we're all like music aficionados, it was agreed on 'making a band'. as in we're the company whose promoting them. we'll touch on the publicities, merchandises and gigs. and since its a newfound 'band', we even wrote our own song. it was exasperating trying to produce the lyrics. but i enjoyed myself stupendously. we've even done many logos and pictures... and bla blas.
now that we are doing graphics for art lessons, ive started to indulge myself 24/7 on the wonders of image-editing and morphing. its fun to see how i would look like in christy turlington's hot hot body or even morphing my face with amy lee. hee. it satisfied my whole afternoon. blissful. i took an old photo from one of the folders and played around. fun i tell ya!
and for the record...
i LOVE adobe photoshop. since. like. forever?
oh. and i am very very sorry naz.
posted @ 7:23 PM
make me up
Tuesday, July 20, 2004 peace?
is the art of living. an insanely fun way to life. a trouble maker. an adrenalin force at the eleventh hour. in a nutshell, its normal and exhilarating
finally made my way to lavender. finally. if it werent for my impaired hearing inflicted by my fathers constant naggings, i would prolly still wait for another month to make it. it wasnt excruciatingly long or painful or so ive heard to wait. everything ended in less than an hour. one burden is off my shoulder, ninety-nine more to go.
just remind me to drop off those big bulky art library books off tomorrow. its way past the due date. and i hate fines. but somehow, fines are attracted to me? or rather. im a lackdaisical ass. even our ipw projects are practically untouched. see. everyone practices procrastination. its like a wonderful bad habit. tomorrow! come my house! and do!
posted @ 8:49 PM
procrastination.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
you are afraid. you are stubborn, others almost gave up. however, they could never, but you still want them to. you are selfish and indignant. you think you know what you want, but you have no idea. you hate to admit. you wont even try. you hate talking about feelings, but deep inside your so full of it. you loved and yearned for a life without any commitment. but yet, you longed for it. you needed a company. but u hated stability. a blockage of an excessive cliche had infected you. like a plague. constantly bewildered with thinking that the next one might hurt you. again. or even more. your fantasies will remain a dream but your nightmare lived. you seek for an escape everytime love ever comes near you. you dont want it, yet you cant let go of it. its like a black hole that never disappears. searching willingly for that source of white light seems to be forever impossible. you run away from it. but you realised that it will soon exasperate you. no matter what, you kept on running. you start being ignorant. incapability to show him how you should reciprocate. you use words and laughters to disguise your feelings. an excuse, an alibi. the further you want to be away from it, the nearer you feel. like an everlasting attraction. a whole year of being afraid to try. to give in. to give away.
probably needs to come to an end. but you will still keep running. for the time being.
posted @ 12:37 AM
letters to you.
Saturday, July 17, 2004
people may still be misconstrued by the true concept of emotional baggage.
of living with an oversized emotional problems. i always thought i would never have to deal with one. obviously, 9 out of the 10 things i say, eventually takes a toll on me. i have never been envisioned as a tender and sensitive person, it might be in the genes. with the constraint of never having a real family connection, it only boils down to having a constant worry of what type of person i would soon turn out to be. be it stupendously cliche, it is only a brutal forge of my sister. whatever that means to my existing use of vague talking, there is only one bottom line. not two, but one. a conclusion which fails to prevail. my conceptual idea of a paradise would be somewhere far far away yet close to home. its almost a living nightmare that nobody ever wants to pinch me awake. because everyones too selfish. or maybe because they still see me as the 10-year old girl who used to scribble words with blood.
a depiction.
trapped in a rightful size cage and only to wish they were made out of licorice.
with walls of paranoia and the thickness of an eternity.
unwillingly tormented with a disturbed conscience.
not just one occupant, but many. only a reason to placate myself.
an overgrown beard and hair that reeks of my own stench.
vanity at its peak will only become a distant phrase.
at which trust and love will only be an undisputed lie.
imagine all that. mixed despairingly in me.
metaphorically of course
being something i am not. forever self denying.
a pretentious living thing of which at some point will reach its abysmal point of insanity.
endlessly putting on myself the pressure of education and friendship.
assuming they are my top priorities.
have i been wrong all this while? was i too neglectful?
family, health, self-esteem was placed aside.
'Integrity is fame's best friend'
actions tend to speak louder than words, yet words are the best form of creativity.
only words can have its full ability to lie and deceit.
and only words can express all the deepest darkest emotion one hates to reveal.
others may think i use words as an excuse to flaunt. or even to use it as an alibi.
but only in words, i have found a true friendship. a lifetime connection.
a real passion.
if i could see myself from someone else's point of view, id probably see a gleeful girl.
but in depth, it was something so opposite.
something entirely different.
a lonely destitution.
yet something that could be special.
but who i am to predict.
my undefined self-portayal.
and whoever think literature is boring, is dull.
posted @ 6:57 PM
an escape from bland
Friday, July 16, 2004 3 parts competetiveness
How to make a hanna
Ingredients:
3 parts crazyiness
3 parts joy
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice.
Add a little sadness if desired!
Personality cocktail
Go-Quiz.com
I fell in love with this layout the moment i laid my eyes on.
something simple and 'professional'
and i love blogger's *new* image hosting.
photo bucket aggravates me to my very end.
and did i mention, i love lime green too?
posted @ 11:10 AM
Self-Ingredients
Monday, July 12, 2004
*NEWSFLASH*
ama has a webcam. now go bother her and try out her webcammie. very very clear u know. you can even see her doing bubbles with her mouth and the blue eyes.
SHOPPING HAVEN.
Bargain hunts
You people HAVE to go to clarke quay's flea market. which is on EVERY SUNDAY. and they have these great bargains. like seriously. gotten some nike shirts, zara shirts, drawstrings pants, skirts, esprit bags, shirts, and more shirts. and even better, theyre priced only at 3 to 10 dollars each. my sister purchased these 3 for 10 dollar worth of really one of a kind shirts. and its still bloody new. its quite a big place and i am truly appalled. these new wardrobe can last for months. and its like less than 50 dollars spent. fucken worth it right? go there okay. go. bring me.
another wonderful place for shopaholics. and of course for great bargains. is the BEACH ROAD. everyone is contradicted with the humidity and the stodginess of the place. but who would seriously care because the sweat you are sheding is worth the spends. cheap yet fantastic bargains can be found there. and those von dutch fanatics, yes, go there. credits to the people who recommended me this place.
bring me there.
posted @ 12:04 AM
heads i win, tails you lose.
Friday, July 09, 2004
" calling someone fat, wont make you any thinner. calling someone stupid, wont make you any smarter. "
Mean girls.
posted @ 11:24 PM
Talk show on mute
Here I stand alone with this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change
Well I tried but I had to draw the line
And still this question still keeps on spinning in my mind
What if I had never let you go?
Would you be the man I used to know?
If I stay, if you tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess well never know
Many roads we take
Some to joy, some to heartache
Anyone can lose the way
And if I said we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change
Do you think how it would have been sometimes?
Do you pray that I never left your side?
What if I had never let you go?
Would you be the man I used to know?
If I stay, if you tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess well never know
If only we can turn the hands of time
If I could take it back,
Would you still be mine?
Coz I tried but I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind
What if I had never let you go?
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away?
Coz I still love you more than I could say
If Id stay, if you tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we’ll never know
Well never know
What if by Kate Winslet.
Get the song! turning into one of those bloggers who expresses their emotions out by the power of lyrics. shit happens.
posted @ 8:36 PM
What If
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
never in my whole almost-pathetic-cum-succumbed life have i been predominantly immerse myself in doing an essay more than a day earlier than the due date. (never.) it was pure gratification, somehow. i was intimately listening to my father talking (be greatfully surprise) and fairly very interested in the things i wanted to write about my father. his biography was our assignment. of the numerous things he told me about his "life-so-far", the racial riots were the most exciting one. (sue me for having a distinct boring interest in history) well all i did was asked him for the points that affected him mostly throughout his 57 years of living (i have just realised how old he is) and of course, being the drama queen (but not an undisputed liar) that i am, i had to exaggerate and use my unforseen and useless talent of writing a stupendously long-winded story. which is quite useful in writing this 500 words piece of essay. it was pure bliss. (im a freak so what you got a problem with that)
shut up hanna
not being able to force my eyelids to rest nor shutting off the overworked computer, i have resorted to finish all my procrastinated assignments. im not saying its blissful but i felt myself running far far away from the word procrastination. not entirely freedom obviously. as i am writing this, i feel my room getting smaller. the walls are closing in on me. my ceiling fan would prolly fall off any moment. or that im seeing a blurred replica of everything.
and so before i crack. i shall engross myself in reading something and fall asleep sooner or later. goodbye tuesday and welcome wednesday.
fug. sex ed after school tomorrow. nyaaaaaaaaaaargh. dont laugh at me dammit
posted @ 1:03 AM
and so he was lived to tell
Monday, July 05, 2004
as ive promised to replace those previous disgusting, low-quality pictures with better and clearer pictures that does not violate your eyes from straining. here la!
im not lazy nor impatient. ITS JUST THAT. i cannot be bothered anymore and am sick and tired of waiting. (get me?) whatever. just click.
the birthday present
http://share.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=EegMWzlq3bNnwg¬ag=1
the SYF opening ceremony
http://share.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=EegMWzlq3bNn4A¬ag=1
okay bye.
posted @ 1:08 AM
Pics Galore
Friday, July 02, 2004
a magnanimous blocked nose. an incidental plight of sudden influenza. a boredom that no human has ever reach before. an abysmally sad love story.
should never be tried on a school night. it will only boil down to sleeping with a blanket of wet tissues.
posted @ 12:57 AM
Lovebug